all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
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Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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