apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
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you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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