Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
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The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
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There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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