Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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