apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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