Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
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Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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