wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize