**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
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i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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