Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize