Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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