The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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