I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
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Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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