i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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