If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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