Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I color on your dick again?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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