Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize