allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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