I looked at my own cervix.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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