tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
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Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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