hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I supernannyed him into submission
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize