If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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