The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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