what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize