If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize