I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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