You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
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I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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