my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize