I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize