You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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