god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
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