afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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