my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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