I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize