I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
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Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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