I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize