I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
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Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I love you. Go after that dick
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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