Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize