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I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
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