Umm I'm too high to move.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
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He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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