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I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hippo gnu deer
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
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