just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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