she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize