Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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