dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
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I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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