peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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