maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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