tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
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I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
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This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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