Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize