I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize