Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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